I was on the floor, picking up toys for the 17th time that day (heaven forbid I leave it all out until they are actually in bed and done playing). I burst into tears. On my hands and knees over a pile of things that included Little People, Crayons, Mega Blocks and other various things. At first I thought I was crying out of frustration that my 2 year olds couldn’t just play out of one orgnaized play container at a time. Then it hit me…
I was cying because this was my life now.
In my previous life, I was a Personal Trainer and worked in the health and fitness industry for over 15 years. I played on 3 soccer teams, badminton, enjoyed the luxury of hard 2 hour workouts, participated in things like races and 30 Day Yoga Challenges. I ran a Marathon in Iceland. Add on an active social scene and I was doing ok!
Now I have twins. Who are amazing. But they have invaded my life, stolen my freedom and pushed me into the shadows of motherhood.
Everyone kept telling me, “you just have to make through the first year. It gets so much easier after the first year”. I breathed a huge sigh of relief on their first birthday. My girls were happy and healthy. But it didn’t get easier. It just got different.
I started a blog. And then I realized I don’t have time to blog. I felt like life was so busy, but I wasn’t really accomplishing anything. And then something started happening. As the fog lifted (aka I was getting more sleep) I realized that I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one crying while picking up toys. I wasn’t the only one feeling like an outline of my old self. Nothing was or is wrong with me.
I love my kids. Like, they are why I get up in the morning. If there was a fire breathing dragon in between me and my kids I would go Jackie Chan on it’s ass. Nothing would keep me from them. But I HATE not feeling like my old self.
Cutting to the chase. (This is why I didn’t have time to blog!) It just doesn’t seem right that when you become a Mom, you have to bury your old self. And I know this doesn’t happen for everyone, but it happened for me and lots of other women I know. How many times have you said, or heard someone say, “I just don’t feel like myself anymore”. The more I thought about it and the more we (Vanessa and I) talked about it, the more we thought that there is something missing.
Post Natal Care. A check up 6 weeks after delivery and a phone call from your Public Health Nurse isn’t cutting it. Trying to find the time and access to resources and support as a new Mother… forget it. There are cultures that create a supportive environment for mom and baby for months after baby is born. Why don’t we?
And to think the post natal period, only lasts a couple of months. There is a long list of physical, mental, emotional and physiological changes that we experience during and after pregnancy, are we really so naive to think that we just bounce back after a few months? Maybe it’s not that we are naive; we’ve just accepted that it’s the norm. You become a mom and you change. Everything. And you’re tired, run down, hormonal, last on your own list.
This needs to change. No more shadows, no more outlines. It’s time to take control and give oursleves some power and control over our own lives. Are our families the pinacle of our lives? Yes. Do we change to a certain degree? Yes. Does it mean that we should be last on our own list? No! This can change.
Stick with us, we have a TON of life changing information to share with you. Xo